4 Things I Learnt In My 23rd Year
My 23rd year was probably the best one yet. Goals that I planned for many years prior finally came to fruition. I spent the first six months of my 23rd year enjoying my last few moments in Melbourne. And the past six months of 2021 were spent moving onward and into the unknown (cue Frozen 2’s Into The Unknown).
In trying to synthesise my reflections on the past year, 4 key points stand out to me as I enter my 24th year.
- Taking risks are worth it.
I learnt to revel in what I don’t know and cannot fully comprehend. I left Melbourne with a multitude of questions. What do I do? Where should I be? Now? I am with my parents who remind me daily how joyful they are to have me in their midst. I have a job where I am constantly growing in more ways than one. I am pursuing my (first?) post-graduate degree to learn even more so that I can chase my dreams and see them come to life. I am living the very life I used to pray for. None of these would have manifested if I, with God’s leading, didn’t take a risk.
2. To be a saint is not merely a year-long process.
I had high hopes for myself. I thought I could achieve numerous “great” endeavours in the eyes of the world by the time I turn 24. I attribute this desire to the fact that many saints—saints whom I admire dearly—passed away at 24. (I don’t mean that I hope to die by 24 but that I hope to have reached a height in personal holiness). These include Blessed Pier Giorgio and St. Therese of Lisieux. I thought I could scrub away traits that I constantly surrender to God: my irritability towards others, my moments of resentment and disdain, my acedia in the face of many good things in my life and more. However, as I look back in retrospect, I realise that I need to be more self-forgiving. Sainthood cannot be achieved with the mere snap of a finger. It is a daily purification and renovation of my interior being so that I am able to be more of an instrument of Christ.
Sanctity is a journey and now it is time that I stay on course by remaining steadfast. It is continued endurance in the ever changing terrain and resilience even if I have to overcome steep inclines or stormy weather.
3. I need to trust myself more.
In the past year, I had to entrust myself to the Lord. All my hopes, wants and fears were thrust into His loving hands. But I also needed to learn to trust in myself, my desires, my capabilities and capacity. When it was needed for me to continue to push through, I persevered. When I needed to let go, I surrendered. God knows me more than anyone in the world. He knows my thoughts, my past, my present and my future. He knows my heart even when I cannot decipher its movements. He knows what is to come when I cannot envision it for myself. Trusting deeper in myself means having faith that God trusts me, too. Knowing that my Creator trusts in me gives me the confidence to believe in myself.
4. To live with gratitude is to see God’s hands in everything.
Since the beginning of the year, half-way through being 23, I made it a point to write what I was grateful for at the end of every day. As I rifle through the pages of my journal, I can see how simple joys have permeated my life. These points of gratitude were never grand in nature. Often, they are opportunities for prayer, having time to read leisurely, spending time with my parents, getting a good night’s sleep and watching a KDrama to de-stress. On more than one occasion, I have also included “Eating Jollibee” as an entry. Truly, God knows my heart’s desires! The ordinary-ness of these moments is an invitation for me to revel in God’s providence. How grateful I am to have the opportunity to see these mundane points in my life as an opportunity to commune with God. Thanksgiving. Eucharist. Remembrance of the life that I live only being made possible because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the Cross.
How could I not be grateful for all these simple things? To perceive things with the lens of faith is to see God in everything.
As I enter my 24th year and entrust myself even more to the hands of God, may my roots be planted so deeply that it is inconceivable that I should be shaken or weathered. May my branches grow strong enough to act as shelter for others. I pray that I continue to flourish and thrive. Just as the haemorrhaging woman said, “if I could but touch the hem of His garment,” may I grow so much so that I am able to touch God.
“Here’s my life, no hesitations
So deserving of it all
I enthrone You in the centre
You’re all that I’m after
Here’s my heart, no reservations
You are worthy of it all
It’s my joy to live surrendered
You’re all that I’m after”
